As I am going through some personal life drama right now, I decided to write a post about how your interpersonal relationships can make your life a heaven and how they can turn it into hell.
Have you ever heard the expression that heaven and hell are within you? Or the expression that happiness is in your hands? Let me tell you a story.
God created the first human out of a big piece of clay. However, there was some clay left so he asked the human what he wants. He said happiness. God took the piece of clay and put it in our ancestors hand.
So there it goes, happiness is in your hands. How you’ll feel-it all depends on you.
However, lately I started to see a problem here. When I saw people close to me feeling bad I started feeling bad. Now this is supposedly a good thing, it’s called empathy.
But what do you do when you trust someone, and you’re betrayed? Someone is doing things that are destructive not only for themselves but for those around you?
When this happens in a business environment you can fire that person. However, the problem is I believe that inherently there’s something good in everybody. So should I just give up on the person who’s supposedly doing things I can never tolerate?
And thinking about that, I think I found where we should draw the boundary. And the boundary starts with the question:
Do you believe you are responsible for your actions? Do you believe you’re responsible for what happens in your life?
For me, the answer is yes. I think that most people who believe this get tremendously empowered, however, if they don’t make a little clarification, they leave a huge room for depression,frustration and anger in their life.
What is that clarification? That clarification is the answer to the question – Are other people responsible for their actions,too? Are other people responsible for what happens in their life?
And if you believe that you’re the master of your thoughts and feelings and actions, it’s apparent that this is also true for others.
You are not responsible for the actions of others. You are not. Even if you’re the best influencer in the world, at the end of the day, people make their own decisions, they have that power. If you have ever influenced someone, that was because they allowed you to.
Where am I getting at and what does this have to do with happiness? It has everything to do with happiness. If you think you have to control how others feel and act all the time – because after all, you’re responsible for what happens in your life – then you’re in for an unpleasant treat.
Here’s where you should draw the boundary: if someone does unacceptable and destructive things but you love that person and you want to help them…the only thing in your power is offering an invitation. Offering your help. If they accept your help, help them. If they don’t, that was THEIR CHOICE. Move on and let go. It can be hard, but remember, you’re are human being too. You have the right to live and be happy and do meaningful things in life.
The homeless man on the street is homeless because of the choices they made. You can help them in some way, but can you really turn his life around? Yes, you can. But only if he allows you to.
If I tell you how to be a millionaire…I give you a step by step 3 year plan…am I responsible for you becoming a millionaire? No. I gave you the steps, but only your decisions matter. It’s the same for others. You can offer your help, advice and guidance…if someone follows them or not is dependent entirely on the person, not on you. No matter how much you love and care for them.